Roots and Petals
by StarPhasing
Summary: He loved her endlessly to the end. His mind always filled with the sounds and outlines of her. He wrote her a letter, documenting the speed he fell for her. A story of letters. Heartbreak and love are the two things that make life worth the journey. A series of one shots.
1. The Roots (Alvin)

Roots and Petals

Sunday. It was a Sunday afternoon in spring. The Sunday it had all set in for me that you were the one that had danced in my thoughts when they should be sleeping. The one who finds perfection in the way flowers grow and roots climb rocks. The one who cannot seem to find the perfection in herself.

"Hey Alvin!" You smile at me. The curve of your lips draw mine to meet yours, but I don't move. We're friends. "Hey Britt. Rough day?" I notice the fidgeting of your thumbs, the nervous habit your sister is always telling you to quit and watch out for. I loved it. "I guess," you sigh, "I'm just a bit bugged that I got a C in calculus is all…"

The disappointment in your eyes was hard to miss. I want to caress your cheek like the moonlight caresses the skyline of Los Angeles at night. I wanted to pull you close and remind you how I was kicked out of calculus for just… Sucking. I wanted to remind you how hard you worked for the C. "Oh c'mon Brittany, a C? I'd pay big buck for a passing grade in that class."

You laughed. The sound slipped into my ears like a river running over smooth pebbles. I loved it when you laughed. "True. I'd let you have the grade for free though." You were the sweetest, always looking out for me. We walked back to our neighborhood, my home on the corner, your's right across the street.

I wanted to grab your hand and intertwine our fingers, knowing we were the perfect heights so your elbow wouldn't awkwardly bend. But I don't grab your hand because you're twitching your thumbs again. Worrying. "Your sister won't be mad, Brittany…" I place my hand on your shoulder, I settle for that. You smile up at me, the sun catching your auburn hair and lighting it on fire like your eyes do to my heart. "Thanks Alvin, I hope she's just as understanding." She will be. She was.

You call me later that night to let me know she took you out for ice cream, your favorite reward. I laugh at your happiness and relief, wishing I could have bought you that ice cream. Mint chip. That was your favorite. The green color didn't match you, for you were the least envious person I knew. The chips made sense, sweet like you.

A few months have passed. You're made at me. We are in my room and a red color flushed your tear stained cheeks. I have never felt worse. You cross your arms, folding them perfectly. I'm not sure why my actions made you so angry, but I let you yell. I understand you have other stresses. I grab your arm, letting you cry into my chest. I whisper sorry's against the top of your head. Sorry I missed your cheer routine. Sorry I wasn't there to pick you up. Sorry you walked home in the rain.

You cry into my chest, I hold you closer hoping you feel safe. You pull away, I wipe your tears with my thumb, the smooth skin of your face a feeling I wouldn't forget. I want to kiss the pain away, kiss you enough until you know I care more than I lead on. I still think about you banging on my door, yelling my name loud enough so the neighbor next door woke from his year long nap.

Two years have passed. We were drunk. Your body was pressed tightly against mine, our breathing heavy and frantic. My hair. Your fingers were in my hair and mine were pressing against the small of your back. My lips. My lips locked against yours, vodka and tequila. We didn't go into the night thinking this was going to happen. It just did.

I picked you up, carrying you to my bed. You gasp playfully, your chuckle tugging at the edges of my lips, already missing the feeling of yours. "Are you good?" I huskily whispered to you. Playful. You raised an eyebrow, tempting me as you crushed your lips hungrily against mine. "I'm great." You purred back. The words and your voice felt like nails running down my back, chills covering me.

Drunk. My thoughts and intentions were blurry. Yours were too. Your back arches, your body pressing into me as my lips find your neck, my fingers pulling your top over your head. My shirt. You slip it off quickly, your hands exploring my chest. Heartbeats danced as my hands moved down to slip off your tight skirt.

New Years Eve. That's what it was. We were missing the fireworks, but creating our own. My hand is at the back of your neck, coaxing your lips back to mine. Cherry. Your lips were sweet like cherry and as addicting as cigarettes. Bare forms moved together, body against body. I pulled away, looking into your crystal blue orbs with my own. "Alvin…" You breathed my name, a sound I want recorded to listen to on loop for the rest of my days. "Yeah?" I reply, my breath stuck in my throat. "I love you. I always have." Your words hit me like a truck, head on and sudden. I reply quickly, "I love you too," my lips immediately finding yours.

Exchanging. We were exchanging the I love you's that night physically and mentally. We became one, my body moving with yours, moans and breaths bouncing off of the walls. I wanted to stay there with you forever, to tell you you were better than any fireworks or ball drop on TV. You spent the night that night, your small form huddled against my chest. I didn't sleep much. I spent the night memorizing the outline of your body, the curve of your neck as it led into you shoulder then arms and hips. The smoothness of your legs. That night you took my breath away and I would always let you keep it.

Another year has passed since that night. You sit in our shared apartment on the window sill, a book propped on your knees. My eyes are on your back, studying you. Vulnerable. That's what you were when you read, you were vulnerable. Beautifully wrapped up in someone else's stories. I hope I gave you more love than what you read in the romance novels. I close the distance, my lips on your shoulder as I wrap my arm around you. "New book?" I asked and you nodded, giggling as I read a sappy paragraph out loud.

Your giggle was better than any chorus of bells in December. I cupped your cheek in my hand as we stood under the mistletoe at Jeanette's party. The sounds of the party disappeared. In my mind, it was just us. "Brittany…" I said quietly. You smiled at me sweetly, waiting patiently for your kiss. "Yes, Alvin?" I was nervous, my hands were shaking as I reached into my back pocket.

One knee. That's where I was next. I pulled a dark blue box out of my jacket pocket, the diamond ring in it could not compare to the beauty of you, but I tried my best. You smiled, screaming excitedly as I asked you to marry me, tears on both of our cheeks. Our friends rejoiced, some said they had been waiting years for this. You kissed me and kissed me and kissed. I will always want more.

And now we are here. The most important day of our lives. You wear white and I black, both of us well aware of what the true color of your dress should be. That line made you giggle, I can hear the sound in my ears, or maybe those are the wedding bells my mother insisted we have. Brittany, my love, we have built the roots for us, now lets help the petals blossom.

Brittany smiled as she read the letter he had written her years ago, wiping tears from her face as she clung to the memory of his face. Eleanor tugged her into a hug as he was lowered into the ground. "I will always love you."


	2. The Petals (Brittany)

The Petals

Spring. Your presence during that season always seemed to make it my favorite time of year. The rain fell with your passion, making the flowers bloom with your love. You were my favorite part of everyday, even when I didn't always want to see you.

You were stubborn and confident, two qualities I always admired in our youth, but came to realize were cover ups of true feelings as we grew older together. "Oh c'mon Alvin," Simon had said, "maybe you're the reason the team lost." You rolled your eyes, that smirk dancing across your lips. I wanted to slap it off of your face and place my own lips on it at the same time. "Ah," you replied, confidence leaking out of your voice, "that's where you're wrong. I'm never at fault when it comes to sports." But you were this time. I gave you a look, quickly looking away to hide the blush that crawled up my cheeks as you winked at me.

Later that night you were at my door and I was confused. Why did you come? You were anxious and upset, but wouldn't share words with me to help ease your mind. I made tea and you didn't touch yours. "Alvin," I asked, getting your attention quickly. Your expression was soft and vulnerable, a moment I never took for granted, "what's wrong?" You sighed, the hard exterior of your stubbornness building back up again. "Nothing, Britt. I just needed you around me is all." I saw through your smile. I wanted to pull you close, let you rest your head on my chest as you told me your worries.

A few months later. You were late to the lunch table and the space next to me felt cold in your absence. "Where's Alvin?" The others had asked. I felt a bit betrayed not knowing your whereabouts, but I let it go. We were just friends. "Hey guys!" I turned to smile at you, my eyes landing on the girl from our writing course with the pretty blonde hair who touched your arm when you two talked. My heart fell so hard I'm sure Jeanette felt the ground shake. You'd look better next to me. You do look better next to me. I know you could see through me, but I excused myself quickly, skipping class and walking home. That was the moment I realized you were the one. The one I wanted and needed and craved. The one I selfishly never wanted to share.

You came over that night, worry on your brows as I told you I wasn't feeling well. I lied. I was sick from your new blonde friend, not the stomach flu. That night I stared at my ceiling, cursing myself for falling for my best friend. "Just friends." I repeated to myself, placing my favorite photo of us face down in its frame on my dresser.

A few weeks had passed. I angrily threw my water bottle into my bag, not caring that the team had just won. You weren't there to see. Why should I care? It was the biggest routine of my cheer career yet, sending the team to nationals. I shake my competitor's hand, her blonde hair reminding me of why you missed. It was fine, you would still pick me up… Right? I sighed, my mind flashing to the smiles that you probably gave her that used to be just mine. Mine. The precious minutes she spent holding your hand. Did she even appreciate the extra snacks you would bring for me that you now probably share with her? Probably not. Those snacks were probably replaced with her favorites.

An hour. I stood in the rain for an hour, cursing at the grey clouds for deciding to match my mood. My hair stuck to my cheeks as I sat on the cold, metal bench. "Brittany…" Eleanor had said, pulling up in her car. "Did you need a ride? It's… It's really cold and wet outside. You should be celebrating your win." I stared at her blankly, suddenly realizing I didn't have a coat or umbrella. "No," I said flatly, "I need to walk." Eleanor tried to offer me an umbrella, but I turned it down. You always had an umbrella for me. I stood, heading in the direction of my home. I was happy it was raining. Eleanor didn't notice the tears on my cheeks and make me explain why I was so upset.

I don't know how, but I ended up at your door. Soaked and flushed red with anger. *BANG* I rammed my fist against your door, yelling your name. "Alvin!" My fist hit the wood again, your neighbor cracking his door open. I heard rumbling. You must be telling her you'd be right back. You opened the door with a smile, the look faltering as you realized. "Where. Were. You." My words were colder than I had anticipated. Your hand reached out, softly grabbing onto my arm and pulling me in. I wanted you to pull me against you, but I pull away.

"Brittany?" You know why I'm mad. Partly. I would never share the fact that I was mad over the girl I later found out to be your teammate's girlfriend. "Where were you, Alvin?" You flinched at the ice in my words. "I… I fell asleep… I've been exhausted." That would have been enough for me, but I was cold. Wet. And angry. "You missed my routine…" I saw the guilt on your face immediately. I don't know why I wanted you to feel my pain. I felt the tears begin to fall, my breathing a bit shaky as my voice increased in volume. "You… We won and you weren't there to see it. My ride? I walked in the rain, Alvin. I didn't have a coat or an umbrella!" None of this was your fault, but I didn't care. You didn't yell back. I loved your softness. I wanted to melt into you, feel what it felt like to have you as close as possible.

You pulled me in. An unexpected gesture I was too surprised by to fight. My head rested against your chest as I cried. I was tired. Your heart was steady, I could fall asleep to that sound on repeat. It quickened as I buried my face in your chest, a small victory I would never share. You apologized more times than needed, once was enough.

"Another drink, Britt?" You drunkenly slurred at me. I giggled, hiccuping as I turned it down. It was New Year's Eve and we were spending it at a hotel owned by a friend's father. We probably drank too much, me vodka and you tequila. Alcohols that suited us. The others left to dance, but I was too busy wanting you to myself to join them. I looked at you, your eyes meeting mine. "What?" You said playfully. Oh no. You gave me the look that made me weak in my knees when I was sober. Drunk me couldn't resist. "I'm sleepy, Alvin…" I smirked at you. I wasn't sleepy. You were silent, squinting at me to see if you heard right.

We were in the elevator, my lips already on yours. I raked my fingers through your hair as we sloppily made our way down the hall, laughing into the kisses we exchanged. I fumbled in my purse for your room key, joking that I wouldn't be using mine. I opened your door, grabbing your shirt collar to tug you in with me. You cupped my face. My heart melted. My body was hungry for yours, a craving I've had for years. Your hands lifted me, carrying me to the bed.

You leaned over me. "You good?" I could have died right there. I swam in your blue eyes, hoping to drown. I found your lips. "I'm great." But I was better than great. You fit into me like a missing puzzle piece. My nimble fingers unbuttoned your dress shirt, finally brushing the skin I would call home. I replayed the times I've thought of this in my mind as you slipped my top off, your hands on my thighs. My back arched into you, wanting to feel the closeness of your body as your hands explored mine. I breathed your name again and again. My favorite word. "I love you…" I whispered as you looked down on me, words that have been stuck in my throat for years. "I love you too…" You told me. The cloudiness of the alcohol faded. Those words from your mouth could always sober me up.

Mistletoe. It became our new favorite tradition. Jeanette and Eleanor were giddy that night and I was confused. We received gifts from our friends but all I wanted was you. We stood in the doorway, giggling as I kissed your cheek. "Brittany…" I raised an eyebrow, wanting you to say my name again. Something was different. I felt your nerves, heightening my own. Jeanette and Eleanor peaked around the corner, cameras in their hands. I swallowed, fiddling with my thumbs before smiling up at you. Sweat was on your brow. You were always so bad at hiding your nerves. "Yes, Alvin?" I leaned in, expecting a kiss. You moved down. One knee. You were on one knee in front of me asking for my hand. In predictable Brittany fashion, I dramatically cried. I would say yes to you a million times. I leaned down, wanting to seal the deal with a kiss. A million kisses.

And here I am, writing back to you with hopefully as much love as you had put into your words. Alvin, my love, I miss you everyday. I miss the kisses and hugs, I miss being woken up at 2:30 in the morning as you got up to fix the rug in the hall. A weird OCD habit you developed from me. I miss the way my arms wrapped perfectly around your neck, how your height complimented my lack of. I miss the way you said my name when you were frustrated, happy, in the mood. I miss being able to miss you and expect you're return. Oh my love, how I wish we grew more petals, but I'm happy you aren't here to see them fall.


	3. The Thunder (Jeanette)

**A letter to Jeanette's previous lover and her journey to accepting Simon's love.**

The Thunder

Your lips were lightening and our love was thunder. Loud and all at once, leaving only a storm in its pathway. I hope I'm the inspiration for your dreams, you're sure as hell the inspiration for my nightmares. Because of you, I lie in bed and wonder if it's even possible to love someone as hard as I loved you. Is it even fair to let someone else experience the feelings you stirred alive in me. My mind wanders to you at 1 am. And then I'm left with wonder of who you're with. I bet my name sounds like her's against your lips.

The moon is probably growing tired of my tears, Her light aching to wipe them away. You left me in a puddle of my own thoughts and I hope she was worth everything to you. The night I walked into our home… _Our_ home… I thought you'd be asleep. You have a strange way of sleeping alone. You seem to not know how to do it.

A year ago. That's when I lost a piece of myself to you I hope you would always keep. You threw it away a month ago, leaving it in the gutter for strangers to pick up. You're the chapter I should have skipped. Time. That's what showed me your true colors. Time undressed the lies my eyes gazed over in the beginning, distracted by your charm and compliments.

I left you for a month. I should have stayed away. My friends warned me about you, the friends I am trying my best to let in again. They don't have enough rope to hold themselves as they scale the walls you forced me to build. During that month you filled the void I left with tight dresses and long hair. I hope they left it feeling emptier. I know they didn't.

He tells me to forget you, that he is different, his brown hair is completely opposite of yours. I'm drawn to him like a sunset on the beach. I'm scared it's all glamor and it will only be nice to look at for a few minutes, the deep wind chill setting in after the beauty of it is gone. All because I fell for this before. The day we met, Sin stood over your shoulder, calling me over with the wave of his finger. Over his shoulder stands the Reaper. I hope he buries me with his love.

I loved you with a passion that I'm having trouble defining. I now realize it was more of a passion for fear and anger, nothing I would want back. My blood screams through my veins at the volume I once yearned for your call. You never called.

I'm with him now and I'm realizing what we had was never love. What we had was child's play, two people trying to fit together. But your edges were sharp and mine were smooth. Innocent and kind. Why did you bend my edges to meet yours. I'm afraid I'm too sharp for him.

He smoothes out my edges, understanding me when he knows I'm fearful. Repetition. People always claim that history repeats itself. I hope my history stays far in the past. You ruined me for my future lover. He holds my crumpled paper heart in his hands, slowly unfolding the corners. The creases still there after he smooths it out.

It's been a whole year without you, but you still cross my mind. My mind seems to remember you when my heart is aching. Hurt reminds me of you, love and happiness reminds me of him. He listens to my pain, his own mistakes, lessons for us to grow together. You always blamed me for your mistakes, rock piles that crushed me.

I can't help but feel like his love will die out for me. It's starting to go dim, the bulb running out of energy. The bags under his eyes show me he's growing tired of my insecurities. I hate you for putting him through this. My confidence falters when my mind hears words you used to use against me, building my walls back up for him to fall below.

You broke me down to nothing, leaving emptiness in my heart. He began to fill me again with his words and actions, my tears are no longer from pain. I cry for joy and I cry for him. He'll never know what it was like to have all of me. I lost some of me when I was with you.

He told me I am good enough, that I shouldn't let the past dictate my future. I tell him I'm trying, but I still feel the tug of your fingers on the back of my mind, your nails digging deep within the creases of my thoughts, pulling me apart one by one until I'm forced to my knees with nothing else to do but weep.

I've realized I am capable of love. He helped me see that there is more happiness in the world that I have began to create without you. The blues of his eyes are the purest I've ever seen, not empty and cloudy like yours. He welcomes me in with open arms, his love hugging me like the warmth of the sun. I've found someone who loves me enough to not need outside sources. I'm his only one.

I never knew how it felt to be the one who receives as much as she gives. The way I love him, he loves me back harder. Your love was a storm, his love is blanket forts and endless kisses. Nights that should have been silent, but turned to my name in his throat, his name on my skin. I want him to say my name more.

His love has shown me that loving someone isn't about just saying it. Loving someone is growing with them, encouraging their dreams and becoming apart of them. My dreams are full of his face. His brown hair and blue eyes serenade me to sleep, my thoughts no longer belong to you. I cry from disbelief. Shame on you for making me think love was hateful.

He brings me flowers just because. Not for a quick apology. He turned flowers from something I dreaded to something I hoped for. His bouquets decorate my life with color, not the greyscale you gifted me.

He painted on my heart, a canvas left blank from the amount of times you stripped me bare. He painted grace and reassurance. Words I thought I would never hear because I was good enough. He loved my insecurities more than my confidence. He built my insecurities up, leaving only confidence in their path.

I'm lying next to him. His chest rises and falls and I find myself being certain I'm the reason he smiles in his sleep. He's the reason I smile in general. He loves my brown hair, the hair you wanted me to dye. I could never dye my hair as dark as your soul. You started a fire within me, putting it out as your cool colors began to show. He lit it again, the flames burning brighter and hotter. It burns, but I hope the wildfire only grows. You were thunder on my sunny day. He's my oxygen.


End file.
